5 THINGS I'VE LEARNT ABOUT MYSELF AND LIFE...

I've grown so much over the pass few years. I've gone through life and had so many different experiences from which I'm constantly learning. I know in the future I will probably look back and realise that in my 30s I knew so little. But we live and learn right. As they say, "experience teaches wisdom."

So here a few things that I've learnt so far:

• Finding and maintaining friendship as an adult is a lot of effort and sometimes very difficult.

True friendship in adulthood can be much harder to make and maintain than they were during golden days of lunchboxes or late night treats of dorm rooms.

I don't think I need to say much on this. As I grew older I outgrew some friendships. Some separation geographically, and some after all the partying and fun ended and I decided to start a family the friendship ended, cause we had nothing else in common and nothing much to speak about. But its called growth!

We are all grown people and are busy AF and if we don't have genuine friends then this might be difficult. I have this friend back home and we don't speak every day, some times weeks pass. I can contact this person whenever and we just catch up. No questions about "why you didn't call me" or who contacted who last. 

 I've come to realise that friendship is about people of different culture, beliefs, lifestyle and personalities coming together. We don't need to be 'the same' to be friends. As long as we accept each others differences, goals and aspiration and is willing to be there for that person and vice versa. Cheers to those who have their BFFs from high school, but I've learnt that it not all about the amount of years.

• It's ok for people to dislike me.

When I was in my teen I would question why someone likes me or doesn't speak to me but speak to everyone else. Basically I wanted acceptance.. But now I couldn't care any less. Most of those who says they don't like me(for no specific reason) are still struggling to like themselves. In my opinion sometimes its best for some of these people to not like you, Cause they are toxic, and girl I cant deal with all the negativity and chaos, I'm way too old for that shit.

If anything, it should be motivation, it just means I'm doing something right. 

Advice: Don't take them or their silly comments personally.

•  I need to be my own cheerleader

Before I would find myself looking for external sources to make me feel motivated, less overwhelmed, positive, sexy or empowered. But don't think I gave myself much credit, cause no one understands me like I do. We sometimes take our own accomplishments for granted unless someone else approves them. We question how gorgeous we are because we didn't receive a compliment.. hmm.

Well I've learnt to clap for myself. I don't need anyone's validation, and definitely don't need a compliment or word of advice to be motivated. If we need love, support and inspiration, the first place we should look is within ourselves. 

ps. I love giving compliments. I just love to see women who take care of themselves and put themselves together. I literally get excited when I see a gorgeous lady, and I'm not afraid to give a stranger a compliment. It does feel good to hear it sometimes, doesn't it!

Being my own cheerleader has the distinct ability to provide me with this sense of leadership and control. This all comes down to self-acceptance and self-worth. Self-worth comes from

within, nobody can give us, or take it away. So go ahead, give yourselves the praise you deserve..

• There's no life change that will make me happy, if I don't appreciate what I have now.

 It's our minds, thoughts and associates that gets I the way of achieving happiness. Of course a bigger bank account, my dream home would give me a smile from ear to ear. But is that where my happiness lies?

I've learnt to accept what I've got now, and work hard for what I want. I will accept life challenges . but settling is not an option. I believe in working hard (or twice as much) if necessary. If I fail, I know I can control the lessons gained from the experience and carry them in the next challenge, cause challenges are what makes life and/or achieving that goal, a bit more interesting. Things might not happen overnight, but happiness lies in reframing events to accept what is and letting go off what you cant control.

"Change the changeable,
accept the unchangeable and remove yourself from the acceptable."
-Denis Waitley.

•  I'm not defined by who I was, what I've done or where I am in life.

What can I say, I'm proud of the woman I'm becoming...

Just to let you know, these trousers are from Fashionova.

Thanks for stopping by loves

Sending loads of love your way..

xx Patrice

SHOP SOME OF THIS WEEKS FAVES BELOW

MOM APPROPRIATE STYLE: DOES THE CLOTHES MAKE THE MOM?

Dress like a mom...

I've heard this statement too many times, even targeted at celebrities. Is there an appropriate style for us mothers???

Having a child/children is known to be one of the most beautiful experiences of a woman's life. However, there are a few aftermaths that can be very stressful for us moms. I know,  I've been there. We tend to focus more on taking care of our kids and totally loose ourselves, our sense of style. We forget who we are before we become a mom.

We leave behind some old habits of course, but should we leave behind our individuality or style?

Having a child obviously changes the body. From stretch marks, dark patches to saggy boobs (for those who breast feed), extra pounds in unwanted places. I for one still struggle with my lower tummy being a bit darker, and its been 6+ freaking years, and bottles upon bottles of cocoa butter lotion, Palmers Coconut Oil Lotion and body oil. But its nothing high waist bottoms cant fix.

However, I'm not complaining about the little extra bootie and hips .. ah.

I say that to say, we may have struggled, or still struggling to feel sexy after a baby, and bigger/comfy clothes sometimes feels best. But after our body has been through so much, we deserve to at least feel ourselves again. I can admit after having a child I was fashion challenged or maybe just fashion lazy. It took some time for me to accept the physical changes to my body. Hence, I wasn't confident enough to wear my pre-baby clothes. When I got pregnant, I was determined to look good, sexy and always well put together after the baby was born. I imagined me and baby dressing up in cute outfits like the moms I see on Facebook lol. But it was nothing like this. Oh sure people said "you look really nice, and you just had a baby". But I didn't feel good or sexy at all. I remember putting an outfit together (totally not my style), and I looked like an old lady. Cause it just wasn't me!!

We dress our kids in most cutest outfits, while we are wearing a top three times as old as they are. Yes we are moms, but we are allowed to look hot/sexy too. How we dress as a mom doesn't define how good of a mother we are. Personally, pre-baby I loved showing a little skin. You would never find me going for a walk with half my butt cheek hanging out. I think my style is more modest-sexy. Now after Rhea I adjust my style to suite my curves and imperfections., but still a little skin doesn't hurt. I love wearing cropped tops and I obviously love a low neckline.. the lower the better!

Being a mom doesn't mean we need to dress like we are still 8 months pregnant.  Show the legs, show off your beautiful curves with a bodycon dress. Of course some women have dressed modest all their lives, and that's fine. All I'm saying post-baby is ok to just be YOU!

Let me make this clear... when I say "dress sexy", it doesn't mean we should go out half naked. I mean accepting the little imperfections, incorporing your style pre-baby, and being confident enough to rock whatever outfit. Being a mum is hard, hands down!!

But its doesn't mean our outfits need to look a badly as our day went.

Raising a little girl, she knows what's he is allowed to wear, and I try my best to dress her as a child, cause I believe children should be allowed to be children. As young as she is, she appreciate my style, This cheeky girl actually told me my clothes that I wear to drop her at school is boring. ah.

When she is a teenager and is allowed to choose her own clothes, I will be here to guide her in finding her personal style. I know she will be a fashion lover like her mummy, cause she already is.

To sum it all up... mums don't need to dress in frumpie clothes to be a great mum or a role model for their kids. Dress the child as a child and be as sexy and fabulous as you were pre-baby.  We mums should treat ourselves with kindness  and carry ourselves well, the way we want our little girls to care for themselves when they are our age. Cause trust me... they are watching.

"The mom doesn't become sexy, the woman does. You have to retrieve the woman from the mother".

Women can be smart, be mothers, be wives and be sexy. Who says we need to compromise.

Be You.. Do You.. For You!!

Thanks for stopping by loves

See you on my next post, don't forget to subscribe so you don't miss a post. Thank you ..

Sending loads of love your way,

xx  Patrice